why is car craft the best mag ever printed in the history of paper

are you saying that the editors of CC should start reviewing ancient car movies in the magazine, like a new and regular column?  
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the red-headed step-child of the mailing list

fuzzy dice, air shocks & N50's rule

no. hot rod already did that a few years back. top 40 car movies ever or something like that.  

68scott385:
are you saying that the editors of CC should start reviewing ancient car movies in the magazine, like a new and regular column?

I think he was just answering the "name that quote" contest.

BTW, the prize is at http://www.carcraft.com/free/license/plate/winner/its/not/a/joke/cc/has/an/unlimited/warehouse/full/of/free/swag/for/turboted/whom/we/dont/know/from/jack/to/give/a/way/in/stupid/contests

They could do a "smoke and mirrors" special issue of CC . . . .

"Smoke" from burnouts, electrical fires, worn valve guides, underhood grilling of food on the Anti-tour, and overheated silicone outtakes from "On the Rack" shoots (those Klieg lights are "Hott") . . .

And we've already given them most of the "mirrors" part . . . although they'd probably need to add a story or two about accessorizing with mirrors,  mirror-tint flames for your windows, and a "Junkyard Crawl" about the greatest rear-view mirrors in the JY (all smashed beyond recognition of course).  

This magazine planning stuff is EZ!  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

. . . And the venerable "Mr. Chevrolet" (you know who) could recount how Zora Arkus-Duntov and Chevy Engineering invented the first effective rear view mirror (on the Eighth Day, of course) for the original Chevelle (Okay, not really, but it's another excuse to get more Malibus into "Camaro Craft" . . . .)  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

ted makes the beer come out my nose

i think i saw part of the gumball rally...in 1978?
maybe i need to freshen up on my car movie trivia...i don't watch movies just because they have cars in them...i can't stomach the inaccuracies and defiances of the laws of physics that are used to keep the kids interested because the plot is sooooo thin...however i can watch two-lane blacktop every weekend and not get tired of it

OMG...i'm as fickle as a 20y.o. hollywood bleach blond  
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the red-headed step-child of the mailing list

fuzzy dice, air shocks & N50's rule

Just every weekend?

Couldn't you just loop the sounds of that M22 and tunnel-rammed 454 and some of the dialogue: "Make it three yards . . .  and we'll have us an automobile race. . . ."

"You'd have yourself a real street-sweeper here if you put a little work into it."

"I go pretty fast."

"You can never go fast enough."

* * * *


It's sad that there aren't more good car movies.  There are plenty of "cars-as-disposable-props" movies. But few films capture the essence of what we all love about cars.

Why?

(I know that I'm supposed to be writing jokes here, but this topic touches a nerve.  RANT ALERT!  RANT ALERT!)

1. The Hollywoodians-in-charge and the writers don't understand the nuances and details that make an authentic "car story." (and not enough "car people" are in "the business" or in positions that matter.) Or it could be that they're all just so wacked-out on "coke" . . . .

2. The "film experts" think the plots have to be "dumbed down" to appeal to subway riders and appliance motorists (people not into cars). This is the organizing principle of the "Fast and Furious" franchise.

3. Accuracy is sacrificed for manufactured drama (e.g. the "eight-speed transmission" (count the number of shifts) or the downshift at 200 m.p.h. or cars that can jump canyons with no damage or cars that shoot out candy-colored flames) or ridiculous, slapstick comedy (flying cars, cars that instantly fall apart, cars that defy the laws of physics)

4. The "film experts" think about the only way to make a car interesting is to crash it (a trope that's almost become a corollary to Anton Chekov's "gun-on-the-wall" rule (http://newyork.ucbtheatre.com/shows/2046): "If there's a prominent car in the first act, it better crash by the third act."  Even the original draft of "Two-lane Blacktop" had "the Car" (the '55) rolling over at the end of the film! (The roll-over prop car was subsequently flipped on its lid in the street racing scene of "American Graffiti")

5. It's hard to capture the sights, smells, sounds, and sensations of motoring on film (Televised drag racing is a supurb example of how much is lost in translation to the tube)

6. Most directors and directors of photography have no idea what angles to shoot  car scenes from -- thus we get constant repetition of the same cheap and boring shots that Hollywood has used for a century.

7. In most "cars-as-props" films, frantic "video game action" and slick computer animation sequences trump traditional elements of plot, character, ethos and pathos.

8. Too many "car films" are made by filmmakers from the "stunt men" segment of the motion picture industry.

When I see well-crafted racing films, such as "Seabiscuit" (albeit not about auto racing) or good films on obscure technical subjects, such as "October Sky," "Apollo 13," and "The Right Stuff", and even the occasional gearhead film that is mostly decent, such as the "World's Fastest Indian,"  I am shocked that Hollywood just can't seem to do automotive-themed stories of the same depth and caliber.

On the other hand, to get into the top 100 films in 2008, you had to gross about $28 million dollars. That means you have to sell about three million to four million tickets. It might take nearly 100 percent of the "hard core" gearheads in America to turn out to achieve that level of ticket sales.

But to have a chance at making money on a car film (assuming that it wasn't some outside-of-Hollywood low-budget anomaly like "Fireproof"), you'd probably have to sell twice that number of tickets and cut costs absolutely to the bone. That's difficult to do while maintaining technical integrity. (And I'll bet the CC staffers can tell you a lot about "cost cutting.")

"Cars-as-props" films have an easier "business case." For example,  
"Fast and Furious" had a budgeted cost of $85 Million, but grossed $343 million worldwide.  In other words, a lot more people than just CC and HRM readers went to see it.  A lot of "F&F" fans, if not the majority, wouldn't know a carburetor from a cotterpin. They simply don't care.  And that's probably the real reason why we don't see better "car films."  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

ted,
i couldn't agree more or said it any better

another thing i've noticed lately is how every 18y.o. lead character (mostly in tv shows) has a pristine classic of some make or another, like they (the cars) were handed out with high school diplomas...i feel left out because not only did i graduate from high school but vocational school too...doesn't that mean i'm short two hot classics?  hmmm, what car(s) do i want for graduation....

maybe the technology to loop the some seriously cool dialog  
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the red-headed step-child of the mailing list

fuzzy dice, air shocks & N50's rule

I think that having a car that you can drive hard and still be proud of, well, that's want we all want. Sometimes people can go overboard on some stuff and we all seen them types, but going overboard is sometimes a good thing. Big motor, good. Big brakes, good. But 10 coats of paint, billet brake pedals, doo-dads that don't do sh*t, well, so be it. It just gives me something to say what the *** were you thinking? I go to shows and see everything as art, some good, some bad, some great. You can't blame a magazine for creating trends, only yourself. If you like your car, you will do with it want you want and screw the people who don't like it. The mag needs to get out of the basic crap and do what it wants to. I don't like Lowriders or rice rockets but some of the stuff they do is alright. Same with every car, Chevy Ford, Mopars have great cars and some turds and sometimes people just ruin thier cars... Now if Car Craft said pink spark plug wires are cool, buy them today, and you do, you'll see me shaking my haed at your car saying , What the *** were you thinking?  

thanks greenhue i think i will get some new pink plug wires. lol. gota be a trend setter  

be real cool and buy one set of every color and only use one wire from each set...
for the rainbow effect...
now THAT's trend-setting      
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the red-headed step-child of the mailing list

fuzzy dice, air shocks & N50's rule

yeAh thanks for the pointers guys. it will really show off my engine bay  

BURNOUT PAGE  
`

It may not be the fastest or prettiest, but i can pretend

68scott385:
be real cool and buy one set of every color and only use one wire from each set...
for the rainbow effect...
now THAT's trend-setting    

Forget that!  Just buy a pack of Sharpies and get those lazy kids to coloring something other than the walls.  

Of course you COULD just paint your 'plant (with plug wires already in place, of course) with a half-dozen or so leftover spray bombs, extending the "rainbow effect" over the entire mill . . . .

Or if "rainbow" just isn't to your taste, maybe paint'er up with some WONDER BREAD polka dots ! (Shades of DON SCHUMACHER!)  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

TurboTed, your posts should come with a disclaimer...remove all contents from hands and mouth before reading...something...not responsible for damage caused from excessive laughter...

i wish i could tell you how many times i've seen the locals with a spray can trying to make a worn-out 262/267 look like a fresh 350...somehow overspray on the headers and firewall give it away...and yes the plug wires too..."i didn't know hei caps came in krylon competition orange!"

no matter how many coats of paint you put on a greasy, oil-soaked/stained engine block/frame horn it still looks like a greasy, oil-soaked......

up here (KY) we don't learn to brush our teeth until high school...since most of us drop out or are eligible for a GED by the eighth grade, we never learn to use a brush for anything...teeth, greasy car parts, dishes, toilet,...you get the idea  
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the red-headed step-child of the mailing list

fuzzy dice, air shocks & N50's rule

SHARPIES!!!!!!!

still laughing

had a neighbor kid a few years back that would change the color of the car (late '70s t-bird) every couple of days via krylon...black, blue, black on blue, red on black on blue, some yellow, some orange, no flame pattern just stripes and scallops...must've added five pounds to that car in six months

SHARPIES!!!!!!!!!!  
-
the red-headed step-child of the mailing list

fuzzy dice, air shocks & N50's rule