We ARE Rich and we ARE Stupid . . . .

As a homage to the agelong thread  “So Were not rich but were not stupid [and we cant punctuate or capitalize worth a hoot],”  and in the interests of fairness and  “equal time,” Turbo Ted presents this alternative view of what’s wrong with Car Craft:

1. Why can’t Car Craft exclusively feature LS7 and LS9 stories?

Okay, maybe an occasional mid-engined Ford GT, Ferrari (F40 or better), Viper or turbo Supra could be mixed in – just to show the LS7s and LS9s “kickin’ some.”

2. Why can’t Car Craft show more mountain motor Pro Stock and NASCAR builds? (Sure,  this conflicts with #1, but reread the title of this thread).

3. Why does CC waste pages on weird, old “hoopties” doing mindless burnouts when these same pages could be used to feature more professionally-built Camaros (with LS engines, of course) and the latest in billet accessories?

4. For that matter, why does Car Craft ever show anything that’s not professionally built?

Is it fair that Bobby Alloway, the Ring Brothers, Trepanier and that Total Vision guy have to compete for space in Car Craft with some unskilled, greasy mope wrenching under a shade tree or out of an old Sinclair station?

5.  Why is it that CC relies on obvious amateurs for modeling its “Baby-Ts.”

And what’s with that motley collection of shop rags you call t-shirts?   Surely the Ford Agency could supply gorgeous, print-worthy women to professionally model proper, designer-label swimsuits and sportswear.

6. Why is it that Car Craft can’t seem to do enough three, four and even five-stage nitrous oxide tech stories.

Sure, LS V8s don’t really need power adders, but spray is really the only one worth mentioning.

7. Why does Car Craft show anything but 1967-1969 Camaros and other Barrett-Jackson quality muscle?  

Who really wants to waste time reading  about junk built after 1970 (unless it has an LS7 or LS9 in it)?   And why waste so much space on rolling garbage from Mopar and Ford and . . . shudder . . . RAMBLER?  Have you lost your minds?

8. Why can’t Jeff Smith be re-ensconced in the editor’s chair?

He seems to be the only one at CC who really understands that all print-worthy cars are Chevrolets built in the golden 1960s or are LS-powered.  (We understand that you guys force him to dabble in the occasional junkyard Ford or “Brand X” pile just to keep the trailer park rabble satisfied. But really, do those bottom-feeders actually spend THAT MUCH with your advertisers?)  

Smith is a Chevrolet legend and he should be treated as such.

9. Why can’t more cars built by Will Castro / Unique Autosport (“Unique Whips”) be featured?

10. Why doesn’t Car Craft do more high-end audio/video/navigation/game system builds and show more of the latest trends in leather interiors, 20+ inch wheels, and lifestyle accessories?  All of this focus on straight-line acceleration is so gauche and juvenile.

11. Why isn’t the CC shop outfitted by Groit’s Garage?  It appears so bleak and grubby.  

12. Why can’t the hideous, redneck  “Disco Nova” be crushed?  

Or converted to LS9 power?  

We’d rather see this sort of effort put into a new Dynacorn Camaro shell, but if CC just HAS to “slum” with a Nova (which to us seems like the shipping crate a Camaro comes in), then so be it.

If that Nova just has to be a drag car, at least fit it with a proper carbon fiber IHRA Pro Modified shell and a Shafiroff nitrous motor.

13. How can you even stand to work for a magazine which fails to feature at least one Corvette a month?

14. And what is this “Anti-Tour” gibberish?  Why not cover the open houses of pro builders and more Camaros instead?

15.  Why can’t Car Craft recognize and encourage more trailered pro “street rod quality” machines.  

All of this emphasis on driving instead of power parking is not “real world.”  Spotless perfection ought to be the driving force behind Car Craft’s editorial focus.

16. Why can’t Car Craft feature more celebrity car owners?  

Who cares if some bucolic bumpkin from fly-over country cobbled together some sled in his garage out of the junkyard and the Summit catalog.  We want to see the perfected machines of the rich and famous (with LS power, of course).

17. And why must we put up with all of this horrible photography in Car Craft?  

Do you even have an art director? Does he/she have a seeing eye dog?

Shoot cars in the perfect environment of a studio. Or at least follow Johnny Hunkins’ iron-clad rules about shooting feature cars outside.   No more of these awful “at the nats” or “on tour” snapshots.  And please, no more owner-supplied “pix.”

18. Why not just change the name to “Camaro Craft?”

19. Why haven’t we already seen plans for a 24-part build-up on the new Camaro SS?Are you guys on Ford’s payroll or something?  

20. Is there really any reason to EVER cover any events other than Super Chevy Shows?

Did we mention more professionally-built  Camaros?   And more LS V8s?  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

Are you being sarcastic about the CamaroCraft and LS engines???? I thought that WAS Car Craft for a minute. I would actually enjoy reading more about old Ford 302's, and Dodge 440's, even a 318 build. Lately on this site all I see are more LSx powered Camaros. We don't see Corvette's, simply because you don't mess with perfection. Honestly I could care less about Joe Smith's 15 grand he spent on his Camaro, to twin turbo it, put a cowl induction hood, super rigid and responsive race suspension, racing leather seat with 5 point harness, and a 12 point roll cage. I don't have 15 grand to blow on twin turbos, and Custom stuff for my car, and I don't learn anything by reading about someone who does.  
Guzzling gas and hauling ass, the true American way.

I would like to see more home built cars and stories of father son bonding! Passing it down from generation to generation. And it Dont matter toMe what it is  

Turbo Ted's posts are often based on sarcasm (except when he's talking turbo tech).  
http://speedzzter.blogspot.com

Corvettes are far from perfect, In the mid to late 70's they were a joke.
I would like to see more article's where they keep LS engines fuel injected. There are a lot of tuners that are shifting away from Carb set ups.  

FieroGTFormula:
Are you being sarcastic about the CamaroCraft and LS engines???? I thought that WAS Car Craft for a minute. I would actually enjoy reading more about old Ford 302's, and Dodge 440's, even a 318 build. Lately on this site all I see are more LSx powered Camaros. We don't see Corvette's, simply because you don't mess with perfection. Honestly I could care less about Joe Smith's 15 grand he spent on his Camaro, to twin turbo it, put a cowl induction hood, super rigid and responsive race suspension, racing leather seat with 5 point harness, and a 12 point roll cage. I don't have 15 grand to blow on twin turbos, and Custom stuff for my car, and I don't learn anything by reading about someone who does.

There's been a twin turbo Camaro in CC during the past twelve months?

Where have I been?

Although education is part of why people read a car mag, it's not the only reason.

Nor is the vanity of "readers rides" pages the major reason.

And it's not even the creativity of the apparently endless variations in the story about how swap-n-hop a staid, boring LS V8 into some antique GM ride.

CATHARSIS is the fifty-dollar college word that explains why folks who can't afford a used recap on a rusty steel wheel LOVE reading about the exploits of Boyd . . . (oh wait, he's dead . . . sorry . . . major buzz kill) . . . Lil' John Buttera . . . (Crap, he's dead, too) . . . Sandal-clad Dave Freiburger . . . (uh oh, he's not Source Interlink's everyman-on-the-scene guru anymore) . . . pro street king-for-life Rick Dobbertin . . . (Aw dang, he hasn't built anything this century) . . .  Uh, give me a minute . . . I'll think of somebody with some exploits . . . .

Anyway, catharsis -- the purging of our emotions through art -- and vicariously living our dreams through watching the quasi-heroic struggles and triumphs of others . . . well that's at the root of about anything we do for entertainment (including wasting time . . . uh . . . I mean "investing time" ruminating on car magazines).

When we read about some ridiculously expensive and complex build, don't we all play a little "Walter Mitty" game of "what if?"  

"What if I had a car like that . . . ?"
"What if I had those skills and that kind of time . . . ?"
"What if I was doing that sort of build . . . ?"
"What if I could get out of prison . . . ?"
"What if my wife hadn't spent all of my project car money on that Carribean cruise with the mail man . . . ?

If all folks wanted was drab, everyday reality, they wouldn't drop $5.00 on a car magazine at Wal-Mart to get it.  They'd just roll over on the duct-taped sofa, scrounge for a few stale Cheetos, and contemplate their own pathetic little lives.  Or watch Oprah.

NO!  Car magazines, such as Car Craft, have a fundamental moral obligation to blow all kinds of wild and crazy smoke . . . to nurture our irrational dreams, and expand our horizons toward ridiculous, unachievable levels of automotive nirvana . . . .  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

I was just curious. I often wonder what if, about my own vehicles, not something that I know I could never possibly afford, though. My exaggeration on  a twin turbo Camaro, isn't to be taken litterally. I no longer have subcription, I just browse through the web pages featured articles here and there now. The SFI LS series engines, and the LT series do not appeal to me the way a carbarueted old school, SBC, or SBF does. I like reading about big block builds too, although from their scarcity, they are hard to come by.

I'm not really interested in 'rat engines' that have 955 HP @ 8200 RPM, either, or the guy who spent 15000 bucks on custom everything to turn his 427, into like a 608ci engine. To me if it can't be driven daily, it is pretty pointless. Although these build do appeal to others, where street engines do not appeal to them at all. I think CamaroCraft is leaning more towards that crowd, as opposed to a crowd that shares an opinion such as mine.

Do yu remember te contest that featured 25 reader's rides, and that buick that had like 400,000+ miles on it? The guy had no front bumper, due to corrosion, and he could press te valves open by fingertip. I voted for that car. It was a streetcar, a pure street machine. It was subjected to the harsh environment of everyday living, like we are. It stood the test of time. Yeah there were way nicer, and more powerful cars in the contest. Let's face it though, the owners of those cars, NEVER drive them in any climate, they probably store them on jackstands to prevent people employed by "Midnight Auto Parts" from stealing them. In reality they idolize their car.

A car is what it is. A means of getting from point A to point B. If yu want to show what kind of autolover you are, make it withstand the test of time, and all aspects of the environment. Show people how to reapir it, prevent corrosion, be prepared to replace parts. Actually you should expect it to breakdown at times.  
Guzzling gas and hauling ass, the true American way.

sounds to me like you guys are really thirsty . Americans, check out " summernats" on " you tube" . Remember , alot of cars are defected to and from that show.

And tim, you forgot "troy trepina"  I loved that winter mint impaler he built , it was one of the cars that hooked me many years ago, amongst others. What's he upto now? He came over for the summernats. If there's a better car show than summernats on this world I havnt seen it!! And you can only be awarded " burnout champion of the world" at summernats, not the place to take your girlfriend/ wife , unless she likes to " get em out" every 2 seconds, some girls just go around topless (and there models)

We got a saying "blowers, boobs and burnouts" and you can't have to many of any of them!  

Reading the original post for what it's sarcism soaked purpose was, I found myself laughing pretty good!

While it's damn near impossible to please everyone in the magazine world, it's always easiest to tick off some of them!!! HA HA!  

"blowers, boobs and burnouts" . . .  That's more descriptive than "Loud, Fast & Real."   OZZYsuperchargerman must be in advertising!


Of course, the problem for a lot of CC readers (most of whom probably don't have subscriptions either) is that the "blowers" are their ever-smoking junkyard engines that "blow"  when the "boob" behind the wheel is doing his 10,000th peg-leg "burnout" in a school zone . . . .

As for dreaming about a brace of turbos, if college student Mike Sitar could afford them, nearly anyone can.  

Okay, maybe not the guys who are selling plasma to buy groceries . . . or GM shareholders . . . but just about everybody else.  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

Ok first off, your sarcasm is hilarious, especially the GM shareholders comment. LOLZ,

Just for some reality check here. I was very impressed by the inforamtion on the site today about the problems, and benefits of building a 383 stroker, and how to do it right. I'm glad I didn't blow the cash on stroking my 267 to a 288. It can be done. The benefits do not offset the costs, and risks.

Just because a College kid, who probably got grants, loans, and scholarships to pay for the college exenses, can afford to do something,doesn't mean everyone can. I am building a 283 on a job that pays $8 per hour. Minimum wage goes to 7.25 this June!!!! Of course I do not have kids, or a mortgage, or a car payment. I am buried in credit card debt,from many gun purchases. So for me to say I can afford to build that engine is completely wrong. I cannot. I am doing it anyway. That does not give me the right to say that anyone and everyone can do what I am going to do with that engine, or my Malibu. Food for thought there.  
Guzzling gas and hauling ass, the true American way.

i personally think CARCRAFT is just fine the way it is.

its a working mans magazine for the guy who likes to get crazy on the weekends.

so listen you OLD CAMARO LOVING SPOILED FART. IF YOU DONT LIKE CARCRAFT, GO READ HOTROD, CAMARO MAG, AND COSMO.

and STOP WHINNING.


in the meantime, im gonna get some tips on how to better my primered, garage built, POS duster.


thank you  

but have you guys checked out the "summernats"  on  " you tube!!!!!" Aha-ha!  

dustersteve:
i personally think CARCRAFT is just fine the way it is.

its a working mans magazine for the guy who likes to get crazy on the weekends.

so listen you OLD CAMARO LOVING SPOILED FART. IF YOU DONT LIKE CARCRAFT, GO READ HOTROD, CAMARO MAG, AND COSMO.

and STOP WHINNING.


in the meantime, im gonna get some tips on how to better my primered, garage built, POS duster.


thank you

At the risk of competing with my "H8N on Car Craft" thread, when are you going to swap a Jeff Smith-approved, kid-tested, dishwasher-safe LS V8 into your Duster, Steve?  That would be more along the trend lines of the current Car Craft.  

I'm thinking this thread does a good job of lampooning some of the "sacred cows" and trends of high performance.

Given the fact that Douglas Glad's own editorial criticizes the current "mix" of CC, I don't think there's much support for the view that CC "is just fine the way it is."  
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460_BBF_Turbo-in-CC (formerly Dr511scj) "This guy has no life other than posting endlessly on carcraft.com." -- Car Craft, July 2005
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October 1, 2003: " I'm thinking a couple of...turbos, blowing through an old Powerstroke intercooler...on a Super Cobra Jet-head 460 would be mad cheap and make sick power."
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"I have no problem with your...talking to several versions of yourself...or pointing out our failure to do a turbo story ...." --Douglas "CC/Rambler" Glad

life is about compeating with yourself DR. Just make sure you don't send youself blind!!