Thoughts on the "Street Machine of the Year" fandango in 2008

Now we know about the First "Car Craft Street Machine of the Year" competition. (See the January '09 CC at pages 78-89.)

A few thoughts . . . .

1.  It probably should have been termed the "Great Lakes Regional Street Machine of the Year" competition, considering that all of the competitors haled from a couple of nearly-Canadian "Blue"** states.  

(**"Blue" not because they consistently vote for OBAMAcrats, but because that's the color your skin turns when you go outside without a coat after Labor day)

2. It's ironic that a rag once known in the John Dianna*** days as "Drag Racing's Complete Magazine" now has a performance contest with no requirement of a trip down the 1340!

(***John Dianna -- now known as the "Lil' Buckaroo" of that quaint off-brand set of tuner/rodder magazines published in the Volunteer State of Tennessee-- before most CC readers were born helmed CC(Yes Virginia, there WAS a CC BEFORE FREIBURGER . . . .))

3. FORD DOMINATED THE COMPETITION. Sure, Jeff "Chevelle Craft" Smith made sure that the mega-expensive Randy Johnson '66 Chevelle got all of the biggest photos.   But the truth is that when all of the tire smoke settled, a trio of power-adder Fords put the hurt to the competition.

4. LS Power didn't slay all comers.  Reading CC these days, you'd think that GM LS engines were the second-coming.  They aren't. And the 1st SMOTY competition demonstrated this well.  An ancient 496 Rat totally whipped the Smith-venerated LS7 on the DYNOMAX Chassis Dyno.  And three FORDS STOMPED the best LeSs V8 in the show.

5. Cheap Street Cars need not apply. CC plans to hold next year's field to a palty 20 or so whips (undoubtedly to make sure that a pro-built,  LS-powered short wins).   What was apparent from this year's SMOTY show was that it takes a serious power-adder "G-Machine" to win it all.   Few if any of the first class of SMOTY rides looked low buck (anybody priced a crate LS7 or a built GT500 lately?).  

To fix this, CC needs: (A). a larger field, with an objective performance eliminator before the judge-intensive rounds; (B) Separate classes for cheap owner-built cars; and/or (C) an appraisal factor (sponsored by some insurance company) to deduct points based on a "bang-for-the-buck" formula.

The first SMOTY was hardly legendary, except that it showed up the empty LS V8 "religion" for what it is and it showcased the awesome power of power-adder Fords.  Hopefully the next SMOTY will be a bit more balanced and a far sight more "Loud, Fast, Real" and AFFORDABLE.  
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460_BBF_Turbo-in-CC (formerly Dr511scj) "This guy has no life other than posting endlessly on carcraft.com." -- Car Craft, July 2005
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October 1, 2003: " I'm thinking a couple of...turbos, blowing through an old Powerstroke intercooler...on a Super Cobra Jet-head 460 would be mad cheap and make sick power."
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"I have no problem with your...talking to several versions of yourself...or pointing out our failure to do a turbo story ...." --Douglas "CC/Rambler" Glad

I'm a die-hard Chevy guy but i was VERY pissed that the chick in the silver Mustang II that smashed it into a tree during the 60-0 brake challenge didn't even get a mention. That's a load of crap!! She made the ultimate gear-head sacrafice for a piece of magazine glory, and didn't get squat. I'm still going to go year after year cuz the people are great, but i'm losing faith in CC.
By the way, my best bud is a mod-motor nut and he's always whining that the LS motor cars are always faster given the same cash outlay!  
http://s272.photobucket.com/albums/jj181/crustyz11/?action=view¤t=a30f2276.pbw

Maybe they're savin' it for Magneto's "Junkyard Crawl."

I guess she "tree'd 'em."

Who knew you needed to "pull the 'chute" in a 60-0 braking contest.

I'll bet she won the breaking portion of the event, though.  

BTW, Don't you hate it when those darned studded snow tires don't hook up, eh . . . .  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

Boy that's really funny you frickin jerk!
The story i got was that her Dad built that car for her as a graduation gift. She was doing pretty well until the rear brakes locked up and she slid it head-on into a tree. If she had tried to save the car any other way , she probaby would have slid right through the pop-up where the BAER BRAKES crew was set up with their equipment.
I think Car Craft owes her a huge public shout-out for that! Well, unless theres a lawsuit in progress.
I HATE mushwang II's but that car was by far the best one i've ever seen. Hopefully she'll have it back together for next year.  
http://s272.photobucket.com/albums/jj181/crustyz11/?action=view¤t=a30f2276.pbw

Pull the power adder off your Ford and you'll se how bad it sucks, or lack thereof.

I do agree with making it friendly for the low-buck guy. It's real easy for anyone with a fat wallet to get some shop to build him the "Street Machine of the Year", but for a guy to do most of it himself in his home garage, that takes a ton of work, sacrifices, and skill.  

Hey, hey, hey . . . That'd be MISTER Frickin Jerk to you!

(Actually it's The Supreme Grand Worthy Master-For-Life Frickin Jerk and National Humor Officer, but I thought that was just a little pretentious.)  

Hey, I'm more sorry than Miss Danika's insurance carrier and the Arbor Day Society combined that she ran out of brakes and talent before she turned her Mustang II into an axe.

A Mustang II is a terrible thing to waste.  Besides, there weren't enough Fords in the show as it was.

Of course there is a certain irony here that's begging to be turned into an ad for Baer Brakes:

WE ALMOST DIED BECAUSE "DADDY" CHEAPED-OUT ON BRAKES!

Sure, it's fun to reward your kid with a home-built supercar -- a snarling, tire-melting, asphalt-ripping steed, rippling with untamed muscle. Almost nothing beats the satisfaction of a parent-child hot rod project.  But what happens when your little bundle of joy launches that Acme Road Rocket AND HAS TO STOP?

We here at BAER BRAKES almost found out with our lives.  At the 2008 Car Craft Magazine Street Machine of the Year competition, a young driver tried to stop her hopped-up Mustang II from a mere SIXTY miles-per-hour WHEN DISASTER STRUCK!  Thankfully, she didn't send us here at BAER BRAKES to that great-skidpad-in-the-sky.  Instead of hitting us, she wrapped the car that Daddy built for her around a tree.

So sad! All of this could have been avoided if DADDY would have spent a little extra on competition-ready BAER BRAKES . . . .

It also sounds like CC needs to move next year's SMOTY show to a safer venue.  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

Actually, 55_Hardtop_Guy, you've got me thinking.

There's really no fair way to equalize the mega-buck "pro-touring" cars with the barely-running, tote-the-note heaps that most CC readers flog.  So, what we need is a separate competition.  One that's more in the spirit of Grassroots Motorsports' 200x Challenge or the 24 hours of Lemons events or Pinks.

Turbo Ted, in the abundance of finite wisdom and with total disregard for public safety, proposes:

The David Freiburger Memorial Junkpile of the Year Festival

I haven't worked out all of the details yet, but here's what I came up with after a quick Taco Bell Supreme Burrito and a side of refried beans:

1. Spending Cap/Claimer Rule: There's not any real spending cap so long as the entrants bring all of their receipts from Pull-a-Part, swap meets, and police auctions. But Car Craft can elect to claim any vehicle at any time for the price of a one-year subscription.

2. Back-up cars:  Each competitor may bring a back-up car of equal or lesser value and performance, because like Freiburger, we all know you have one or two or twenty other project cars/rusty fugitives from the crusher.

3. Tentative List of Events:

a. Burnout contest -- Nothing says Car Craft more than popping a rock-hard $5.00 used tire for a good cause (more acrid smoke in the atmosphere).  Extra points for completely ripping the fender off of your ride when the tortured right rear skin "gators" (or right front, in the case of hapless FWD competitors).

b. Header pipe "rap" -- Mindlessly throwing revs at every stoplight(and fogging a tasty oil smokescreen) is an essential talent of junkyard Car Crafting.  This event will show which competitor can make their home-honed hooptie blast out the most vicious, fear-of-flying-shrapnel-sounding engine "rap."  Extra points awarded for that raspy sound of twin 1 7/8" glasspacks, open exhaust manifolds, flames and parts grenading.

c. Idle rump -- A quivering, vibrating, shaky, convulsing, "rough" idle is quintessential to a nuclear-hot sounding street machine.  This event rewards the competitor which induces the best "cackle" (without actually stalling) from junkyard parts (huge vacuum leaks and disconnecting a plug wire will help).

d. Stance check -- Saggy front springs combined with sky-scraping air shock-lifted rears are a junkyard Car Crafting tradition that's too long been ignored.  In this event, the win is based on the largest difference between front frame horn height (why are you still running a front bumper?) and rear frame height.   Cars with "gasser"-stance front ends will be judged on overall lift.

e. Most creative use of Bondo (self explanatory).

f. Most creative use of body part removal (Think "Caddy Hack.")

g. Most creative use of fake fur -- It's not just for package trays anymore.

h. Best elastic seat cover (sponsored by Pep Boys)

I. Most innovative use of hose clamps -- Just clamping a pawn-shop tach onto the steering column won't cut it here.  This event rewards the best interpretation of that indominable Freiburger fabricating spirit.

j. Best patina (That's rust and near-imaginary paint for you novices).

k. Best nitrous bottle scorch marks  --Sure,  heating a nitrous bottle with a propane torch is as safe as juggling a couple of chain saws, but in the real world, some junkyard street rats are just too bleedin' cheap to cobble together an electric resistance bottle heater. So this event recognizes the bottle burn marks of those who put street race heroism over common sense.  

l.  Street race -- Forget autocross and all of that other whine-n-cheeze stuff you read about in "Rodent Track" or Car-n-Driver.  Real junkyard-crafted street machines are built for one purpose (and that's not just being towed home by AAA on a weekly basis): good old-fashioned street racing.  Mano y mano on some potholed excuse for macadam in a gritty industrial park after hours of negotiating (scamming) your weak-minded, skilless excuse for an opponent.   In the tradition of Pinks, the competitors who sandbag, gripe, complain, make excuses, and stall the most will be granted extra points.

m. Best Accessorization (Sponsored by J.C. Whitney) -- The "look" is more than just slapping on some crusty used "mags," airshocks, traction bars, and shooting a little primer.   This event rewards the best use of bolt-on trinkets, graphics, decals and "racer-appearing" gewgaws.  Competitors will be split into "hood" (bonnet) and "no hood" (no bonnet) classes.  Hood scoops taller than 10" are banned, unless in the time-honored "Grump Lump" style.

n. Swimsuit competition -- Extra points will be awarded for having a FEMALE swimsuit model lounging seductively (i.e. "wallering") all over the car during the static phases of the judging.  Competitors must provide proof of tetanus injections for all models (we don't want any patina-induced illnesses).

o. Country Road Fishtail-- Many junkyard Crafters test and tune on the best publically-funded tracks known to man -- narrow, highly-crowned blacktop country roads.  And the best evidence of a "smokin' mod" is almost always a wicked fishtail.  This contest rewards the driver and car competitor who can keep it "swingin' from ditch to ditch" the longest without "wipin' or wimpin' out"

p. Bribery -- When it comes down to it, overworked magazine writers don't make much money.  And because they get used to all of the freebies from our sponsors, a little "sponsorship" will go along way to determining who wins . . . .


How 'bout it? Is anybody "in?"  
*****
TURBO TED --Internationally known as the "John Force of the Yugo Racing Association."

Sergeant-at-Arms and immediate Past President of the SoAL Yugo Owners Group.

That's crazy, man.

Can the back-up car be a "roller?"  
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460_BBF_Turbo-in-CC (formerly Dr511scj) "This guy has no life other than posting endlessly on carcraft.com." -- Car Craft, July 2005
-------
October 1, 2003: " I'm thinking a couple of...turbos, blowing through an old Powerstroke intercooler...on a Super Cobra Jet-head 460 would be mad cheap and make sick power."
-------
"I have no problem with your...talking to several versions of yourself...or pointing out our failure to do a turbo story ...." --Douglas "CC/Rambler" Glad

Oh i've definately got a contender for the all-around win!!  
http://s272.photobucket.com/albums/jj181/crustyz11/?action=view¤t=a30f2276.pbw

Turbo Ted's on to something.

To be a bit more serious, http://www.nextautos.com/the-top-ten-300-horsepower-cars-under-10000#comment-61246 has a list of the "Top Ten 300 Horsepower Cars Under $10,000"  Several of these cars could probably be bought, hoppped-up, and run competitively in CCSMOTY for less than the cost of a bone-stock 2010 V6 Camaro (if GM doesn't go bankrupt before they ever build them, that is).

At a minimum, the CCSMOTY competition ought to have some cost factor in the competition.

http://speedzzter.blogspot.com  
http://speedzzter.blogspot.com

that show already exists in a little back water country called Australia !

It's called the summernats and is a yearly event in Canberra ,act.(australia biggest car show)

It has a real burnout championship were people go crazy to win, a show and shine, elite show, dyno comp, sound off , grass event ,tuff street awards show, miss summernats comp, wet t-shirt comp & strippers,

Alot of girls sit on the back of the cars showing there breasts all 4 days, most of the 150000 spectators are very drunk all through the event, and ofcourse any female of age is aproached , felt, and politly asked (drunken slured) to " fkn get em out". That's when the drunken mobs are not surounding cars and lifting there arches until they do a burnout , and if you don't? Well, they just throw bear bottles and cans at/ inside your car!

It's all on you tube under " summernats"

I stopped going ten years ago when it started to get out of hand. I'd love to involve my wife and children with my car pashion, my wife is very pretty and to have her abused by drunken mobs ( security regularly escorts females to safe zones)so I can enjoy a car show, well, I'm not ok with that.

I wish I could bring a car to a event in America, that would be a blast! Until then I'll avoid australias " mad max" type of car shows. Talking of mad max movies, isn't the poem at the start of mad max2 the best piece of automotive litriture ever written? Sends chills down my spine, especialy given the current world events.