Dr "no life" reviews the July '05 issue

A few thoughts on the July '05 issue of Car Craft:

COVER:  CAMARO CRAFT LIVES!  And you Bow-Tie brothers thought that CC had gone crazy over Ramblers, Vomit Comets and MoPars. Wrong!  The world is now back on its axis. The lion can lie down with the lamb (or is it Magnante's goats?)

Wes Allison's artistic shot of McGean's Suede-ster '69 would have formerly required Mickey McGuire and Jimmy Northmore's "motion rig" to shoot, but now it only takes a cheap digital camera.  Sweet! Just don't count on your primered hooptie making the cover (unless you're on CC's abbreviated masthead).

MISSING IN ACTION:  "Letter of the Month," "In and Out List," "Heads Up News."  I guess they weren't "Loud, Fast, Real."

FRONTMAN: Freiburger's misty-eyed recollections of his misspent youth and deep longing for the days when "flea" and "fly" were wheels and not the byproducts of Magnante's "real man" lawn care practices. 

MrFoMoCo recounts why we don't really want to revisit the '70s much better than I could. See  http://forums.carcraft.primediaautomotive.com/carcraft/messages?msg=1326.24

READERS PAGES:  Page 14 is especially endearing.   But the Camaro Craft fans will be shattered to see not one F-body!   Plenty of wagons, though.   The Car count is . . .

Pontiacs -- 2 (real Goats, too! Not the Magnante or Aussie-style ones)

DaimlerChryslers -- 4 (AMC is part of the MoPar Nats family now so it should count as MoPar.  The blue Road Runner was well photographed--none of those pesky parking lot stripes that annoy the PHR guys)

Fords -- 3 (including a FAIRMONT WAGON burning the skins!)

Novas -- 2

Buicks -- 2 (and some lame commentary about how all Grand Nationals look alike, brought to you by the same magazine with a '69 Camaro on the cover about 100 times in the past 35 years . . . .)

Big Chevys -- 1 (in a postage-stamp-sized photo.  How big would it have been if he HADN'T sent in the 300 dpi 4X6?)

Part II of the July '05 review of the "hot, fresh and tasty" CC mag:

ACTION:  Wild Wheelstanding Yellow NOVA wagon from Arab, Alabama.  What do you know, a yellow Nova that actually runs down the strip . . .  (unlike the Disco Banana project car) The money shot's a tad fuzzy and no photos of the aftermath, but wheelstands will always be popular in "Drag Racing's . . . ." (oh wait, they don't subtitle CC that any more.  And where was the "Heads Up News?")

STRAIGHT SCOOP:  CC's hitting the road "ALL SUMMER LONG" for Crusin' USA.  And they only make it to six measly sites?  What was all the hype about?

Great piece on John Delorean, even though they left out Delorean's creation of the '69 Grand Prix--the car that started 15+ years of neo-classic styling in the lower priced car ranks and which inspired the Monte Carlo.

Disco Banana update-- "We didn't account for Matt King finding out that we'd stolen his short block  . . . ."  Huh?  CC publishes a HUGE FEATURE BRAGGING ABOUT IT and they thought THE KING wouldn't notice? DUH!  

THIS GUY'S GARAGE: Hardly real world, but who didn't almost fall off the john at sight of all that awesome FE Ford muscle?  Of course, the Camaro Craft fans are wondering "when are they going to get to the good stuff?"

HORSEPOWER:  Jeff Smith's penance for being such a shameless Chevy shill is apparently making him shoot a bunch of SBFs.  The JBA Vintage Trans-Am mill is a sweet "Total Performance" Ford artifact, and Smith may have been the only CCer who could stand overhead to shoot it without drooling over it. (You can almost hear Smith's mind grinding "My all-aluminum Gen III makes more power than this old dinosaur") But why not explain to the youngsters that those blue valve covers are coveted, period correct "Powered by Ford" pieces?

And why can't the "ALL SUMMER LONG" Crusin' USA tour divert some low-level intern or staffer from the waning days of the '05 HRM Power Tour to cover the awesome 31st Mid-America Ford Performance and Shelby meet in Tulsa, Oklahoma?  http://www.midamericafordmeet.com

Part III of the endless post reviewing the July issue of the "LOUD FAST REAL Car Craft magazine:

THE INTERVENTION: The Camaro Craft faithful rejoice!  Others contemplate where they've seen all this before.  Or perhaps as The Who opined during Freiburger's favorite decade,  "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss . . . ."

McGean's feature reads like a cross between a vanity post and an episode of Overhaulin.'   Of course Foose only takes six days, not six weeks. But the story is about the same: Neglected but cherished relic, a whole gang of Car Crafters thrashing on it, a gob of free parts (e.g. the old "Real Street Chevelle" mill that just happened to be "lying around") . . . . 

Moral: You too can get your old, tired hooptie back on the road with the help of a bus-load of caring friends and a professional GM designer. Now that's "Loud Fast Real!"

The most useful tip implied by "The Intervention" is that next time someone criticizes your oxidized paint, just tell them its "TINTED PRIMER!"

TOP TEN ELECTRICAL GOOFS: A real tech story?  How did that make it in. We were looking for more junked muscle cars . . . . Still with no fires, exploded batteries (ala MrFoMoCo) or melted battery cables (the melted ground wire is almost impossible to see and less than impressive), the story isn't too dramatic.  And the blurb "Alternator charges less than your girlfriend" is unintentionally creepy.  MEMO TO CC STAFF--IF SHE CHARGES YOU, YOU CAN'T CALL HER YOUR "GIRLFRIEND!"

Part IV of the endless review of the July issue of CC:

BE A CARB TUNING HERO:  In a shameless attempt to pander to the "budget" Car Crafter, Jeff Smith suggests spending hundreds of dollars on a WIDE BAND OXYGEN SENSOR to be tuning hero. Sound advice, but will it really appeal to those who debate the merits of the Chevrolet 307 or which double hump iron heads are the best.  The duct tape and hose clamp faction surely didn't appreciate more ELECTRONICS as the answer to those pesky carb tuning problems.  But at least all the parts appear to be installed in the right places this month . . . .

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM:  This month, apparently only GM Crafters had any nagging problems.  This section is good when we have multiple opinions that disagree. But its Camaro Craft bad when Smith keeps preaching ad nausium the virtues of Vortec and LSx.   And where did all the industry tech advisors go?

KRASS AND BERNIE: It's always funny when passion overcomes good judgment.  And this idea of the long drive home is hillarious.  In fact it's almost as funny as the first time I saw it in 1974 (That cartoon featured a LaSalle-grilled custom '36 Ford convert, peddled as a barn car find by an unscrupulous farmer).

ANTITOUR '05: "Louder, Faster and Real-er" than last months JY photo spread. But I guess Freiburger's new "no trucks" rule was repealed.  Great shot of the GOAT wheel carnage.  But that whacked C-10 fender behind Mrs. Glad on page 86 is just NASTY!

RIGHTING THE WRONG:  Not just "click clack Kodak." But I admit that I didn't notice it right off (however upon revisiting the can after a long afternoon of lawn mowing, I got into it).  More sound Wes Allison photos.  But no track, skid pad or drag strip numbers? If this fish is such a corner carver, where are the times?   Two under-car shots are less than exciting (whole lot of black paint under there).

Next time you shoot a G-Machine, take a tip from PHR and score a couple of orange cones from the utility company. Then shoot the car "in action" carving some of the corners you're talking about.

ON THE RACK: Drop-dead-gorgious professional  models with their own websites sporting freebee swag T-shirts. Oh yeah, that's "real!"   But maybe it explains the comments about "girlfriends" who "charge?"

JUNKYARD CRAWL--CARS AND CRITTERS: I don't think this is what we meant by more "GOATS" in CC.  Next time you tell about goats performing acrobatic tricks (. . . help us if there is a NEXT TIME!), PUBLISH A PHOTO!  Otherwise, buy a lawnmower and confine your comments to AUTOMOTIVE SUBJECTS!

The breathtaking conclusion of the "endless" review of the July '05 issue of the NEW Car Craft Magazine:

BEHIND THE SCENES: None of our heaps run, but look at Jeff Smith's bitchin new barn! Maybe Magnante will loan Smith a few goats . . . .

The Freiburger Ford was notably sweet. Maybe he'll sell it to the "This Guy's Garage" cammer guy, so it will have a good home.

Good thinking in showing Project "Birdturd' in its natural habitat on the lift, so as to hide its many-speckled GM paint job.   OF COURSE, HOW MANY CC READERS HAVE A LIFT?  That don't seem too "real," does it? (not very "fast" or "loud" either . . . .)

REAR VIEW:  While the Camaro Crafter undoubtedly wanted a another photo of the Richie Zul Pro Stock Camaro, or Grumpy's Toy XXXVIII, or some Reher-Morrison racer, we instead got a beautiful shot of the legendary Gapp and Roush "Taxi" Maverick!  Yep, the same Jack Roush that is dominating this year's NASCAR NEXTEL CUP season for FORD and who won the last two NASCAR CHAMPIONSHIPS with FORD  and TEN 24 HOURS OF DAYTONAS in a row (with FORD POWER) started as a lowly Ford engineer and drag racer. 

AND NOTE THE NUMBER ON THE WINDOW--PRO 1!  Yep, the Grump didn't win all the championships.

"More-Door Action" is probably the best thing in the book, even if the GM folks are wondering what went so wrong with an issue that started out with a '69 Camaro on the cover!

you must be some kind of enemy of Car Craft. I smell an *** honda fan here,,,,,,,,,

whats wrong w/ goats mowing lawns anyway?

What I smell here is someone who gets off antagonizing people here. They guy needs to get a life and go to another forum if he hates CC so much. But I guess that makes too much sense seeing as this forum is for CC magazine.  

FastSteve and Cowlhood69, you gentlemen wouldn't happen to be CAMARO CRAFTERS?

My review isn't about "hating CC."  If you really read it, you would have seen that I liked a number of things in the July issue.  Perhaps you don't understand the concept of what a "review" is. It's not just a pandering, pat-on-the-back puff piece that ignores material defects in the product.

What I don't like is Jeff Smith's relentless, one-sided campaign for Chevy and the lack of balance among popular AMERICAN brands in the magazine.   And, HONDA AND TOYOTA ARE NOT AMERICAN BRANDS (notwithstanding what nonsense "Ol' DW" might be jabbering)!

I also don't like dumbing down the magazine with useless stuff, such as articles on Magnante's lawn care and page after page of professional models in t-shirts. CC should use that valuable space for "affordable performance" tech.  Obviously, CC should mix in humor and lifestyle elements, such as my numerous posts lauding Harris Publication's Mopar Action clearly recognize.  But CC should never lose focus.

As I've written repeatedly, if CC is going whole hog on the LSx and "Vortecs," then it should give equal time to FORDs new V8s and V10s.  If CC is going to do two GM project cars (Birdturd and Disco Banana) and even a Rambler, it should do a couple of FORDS, too.  It would be better if CC did one GM, one Ford and one MoPar project contemporaneously, so fans of each would have something new to look forward to every month.

I also don't think CC should cover the same ground as other Primedia multibrand titles (Hot Rod, Popular Hot Rodding).  CC is best when it's about "affordable street performance."   Thus, CC should be showing us cheaper d-i-y ways to go quicker and faster in the "real street" envelope. 

Nor do I think CC should just keep repeating the same things over and over, such as the McGean Camaro vanity article, "The Intervention."  While I realize that the average CC reader moves on after 2-5 years--making the umpteenth thrash of a '69 Camaro new and "different" for them-- some of us have been around for decades and expect a certain level of technical sophistication and "reality" from the editorial content.  CC has to balance the needs of  both entry level and experienced Car Crafters.  Even a simple price list accounting for the real cost of all the stuff lavished on McGean's beater would have significantly improved the story. After all, most of us don't have a spare '60s F-body,  built 355, repro interior, trick wheels, gallons of "tinted primer"  or a GM designer just "laying around."  CC tried to make a good point in "The Intervention" that we should be driving, not dreaming, but make it "real" and tell us how much it costs.

 A good example of promoting "affordable street performance" in a new and fresh way would be for CC to do more on budget "grassroots" turbocharging, such as a non-Chevy, large cubic inch intercooled turbo V8 project (not an expensive kit).   A big-cube turbo V8 can put more torque area under the curve with more streetability, fuel economy, reliability, and tractability than virtually any other form of extreme performance engine.   Plenty of folks are building turbo V8s on a budget (see the JY turbo message boards).  CC ought to be leading, not ignoring this emerging technology.

I'm sorry that you folks couldn't read my review in the context of my other posts at carcraft.com.

Actual, even though I own a Camaro, honestly I am not a huge fan of them. To be honest it has often seemed like the Firebird has been treated like the bastard step-child when talking about F-Bodies. One car put on a pedestal while the other one often is ignored when they are built from the same platform. When the end was nearing for this cars it was often done as the end of the "Camaro", not the F-Bodies. This is one of the reasons I am not a big Camaro fan or a Camaro Crafter.

Maybe I jumped the gun a bit with my reactions. Your comments though could lead one to believe that you do not like CC. I can understand some of things you are saying also. It can lead to a feeling of being let down when same things are covered again and again. As for the EFI stuff. One thing people have to realize is some of it has been out 5, 8, or 10 years or more and is becoming more affordable, which is what CC is suppose to be about.

The world changes and carbs no longer control or make up almost all the market or hobby out there. You either get with the times or get left behind and forgotten. One thing we agree on is turbo use. I feel turbos are great way to go. With electronics they can tuned at the turn of a dial instead of having to change belts and pulleys like a S/C or only be there when the bottle is full, system armed and the button pushed like nitrous. Turbo lag now is almost non-exsistent thanks to the technology we have today.

I only hope that you say the things you do because you want to see this hobby grow and continue. There are way too many people out there looking to take our rights away as hobbiest and enthustist. If we the hobbiest do nothing more then fight and argue with one another it just makes it that much easier for these people to take our rights away because we are too busy bickering with each other to pay attention to whats important.

I fully agree that all in the various automotive hobbies must stand together against any attempts to outlaw what we do. Restorers, ricers, racers and rodders all share common foes in overreaching local, state and national governments and environmental radicals.  

I don't think friendly competition among the various branches and subcultures of the hobby is bad if we all recognize the issues upon which we must cooperate to survive.

I certainly hope that CC and other voices in the performance industry continue to attract young people to have fun with cars and trucks.  I'm disappointed that the price of cars and insurance have driven a large number to FWD and imports. And I am dismayed at the poor grasp upon the fundamentals of high performance a lot of the kids seem to have.  But I'd much rather see young folks at a car show or race--even if its a ricer event--than becomming part of the growing majority who see automobiles as merely an appliance or a convenience.

dude  I hear ya  but. lets be real

the cars "project cars" are the STAFFS cars!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the mag doesn't own um..

you don't want the same stories across prime med.. many mags well then y do a ford in car craft(at least not a 5.0 as kings mustang racer is in one of the other mags..

the GARAGE story is stupid cause now many ford men and thieves know where alot of cool $$$ ford parts are hiding...  not to smart in my eyes  but!!!!!!!!

you seam to hate and I mean  hate Jeff Smith...yes he is a chevy guy and makes no bones about it...He ran chevy high per mag  but "ro" was moved there(smaller mag/eazier to run from RO's new home in FLA.  that move wasn't Smiths IDEA!!!  the guy is a wealth of knowlege on cars not just chevy...

the mag isn't perfect but it's alot better than in the pre king/DF years

they are doing stories on cars that are cheap in the prime mag family (nova/3rd gen f body/mustang/etc...    a volare would round out the package  but the truck market has killed most of them for their front ends ifs..    there are no new (under 6 years old cheap cars) unless u opp for a beat to death cop car..

there are alot of things I'd like to "see" in the mag  but will most likely never happen..  like a monza or clones with a ls 1 and 6 speed  or  a diplomat engine swap and the pitfalls of trying to make it legal...

or a t-bird corner cav.  (the last 4 seaters)  v8/reardrive /irs/  but  never will see light of day...  cant have it all.

light'n up some and enjoy the ride...

dude  I hear ya  but. lets be real

the cars "project cars" are the STAFFS cars!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course. But the privilege of being a staffer on a national magazine carries with it a responsibility to serve your readership.  If a staffer showed up with a smokin' YUGO project, we wouldn't be reading about it.  Likewise, if every staffer had '69 Camaros and that's all they worked on, CC's circulation would drop by at least a third or more in no time at all.

BTW, doesn't DF admit to about two dozen vehicles of his own?  We could probably cover the Big Three from his personal fleet.

the mag doesn't own um..

They (HRM) gave away the Real Street Malibu and the Fram Air Hog Mustang last year, so I hope Primedia owns some of  them!

you don't want the same stories across prime med.. many mags well then y do a ford in car craft(at least not a 5.0 as kings mustang racer is in one of the other mags..

True, but we could say the same thing about any Chevy project, too. Primedia has Super Chevy, GM High Tech Performance, Chevy High Performance, High Performance Pontiac and Street Rodder, which all focus on Chevy power.   CC is a multibrand title which covers (or used to) "affordable street performance."   That's why I keep clammering for equal time.  Chevy isn't the  only "affordable"  alternative and people read multibrand titles because they want diversity.  They also want to see their "brand" on stage fighting it out with other brands.

the GARAGE story is stupid cause now many ford men and thieves know where alot of cool $$$ ford parts are hiding...  not to smart in my eyes  but!!!!!!!!

I wouldn't let CC's cameras inside MY shop!  In fact, I've always wondered how many of the cars they feature get ripped later. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy other folks showing off their stuff!

you seam to hate and I mean  hate Jeff Smith...yes he is a chevy guy and makes no bones about it...He ran chevy high per mag  but "ro" was moved there(smaller mag/eazier to run from RO's new home in FLA.  that move wasn't Smiths IDEA!!!  the guy is a wealth of knowlege on cars not just chevy...

I don't "hate" Smith. I just think he's a poor fit at CC.  He belongs on an all-Chevy magazine where he would be happy.

I recognize that Smith has earned some respect for having successfully navigated the turbulent Petersen/EMAP/Primedia shoals for a couple of decades without cashing out to some easy, higher paying PR gig, but that doesn't change my opinions that: (1) Smith nearly ruined CC when he took over for King; (2) Smith simply can't do a Ford story without imbedded digs at the Blue Oval; (3) Smith is on a sick jihad to convert the whole Car Crafting world to the LSx (or at least Vortec-headed SBCs).   Smith can do good tech stories, but he has always seemed like a West Coast appendix to Chevrolet Motor Division/GMPP's advertising department.  He doesn't seem to understand the "affordable"vibe, either.

Real high performance automotive journalists, such as the late Roger Huntington, the late Gray Baskerville, Matt King, David Vizard, and Richard Holdener can (or could) write about any make or model with enough objectivity, passion and knowledge that you weren't always wondering what manufacturer they were being paid by.  In my opinion, Smith does not demonstrate this ability, notwithstanding his token Ford pieces this year.

I suspect there are at least a couple of hundred good writers in the US who know as much as Smith and would be overtly less biased.  That being said, I don't even care if Smith is sold out for GM as long as CC balances him with equally fanatic Ford and MoPar writers.

the mag isn't perfect but it's alot better than in the pre king/DF years

Totally agree.  But it has declined from its peak and I'm concerned that it's not moving in the right direction.

they are doing stories on cars that are cheap in the prime mag family (nova/3rd gen f body/mustang/etc...    a volare would round out the package  but the truck market has killed most of them for their front ends ifs..    there are no new (under 6 years old cheap cars) unless u opp for a beat to death cop car..

Plenty of us want a GM/Ford/MoPar "cop car" build off.   But CC's response in print is just to insult the modular motor.

And I think there are plenty of cheap RWD MoPars CC could build.   If not in Cali, then contract it to a free-lancer elsewhere.  After all, CC sells magazines in 49 other states.  Primedia's far flung operations in Florida and New Jersey, as well as Buckaroo's recent relocation to Tennessee all show that So Cal isn't the epicenter of hot rodding any more--at least not in an electronically-connected world.  

there are alot of things I'd like to "see" in the mag  but will most likely never happen..  like a monza or clones with a ls 1 and 6 speed  or  a diplomat engine swap and the pitfalls of trying to make it legal...

Those are good ideas.  But I want to see a Ford Cammer swap if they do the LS Monza, though.

or a t-bird corner cav.  (the last 4 seaters)  v8/reardrive /irs/  but  never will see light of day... 

Also a great idea.

 cant have it all.

But we can ask!

There's a reason that MM&FF has twice as many pages each month as CC.  Campisano covers more than just Mustangs, throws in some budget stuff,  and keeps the book at the forefront of tech.  That generates readers and advertisers. (Of course MM&FF has a completely different business model from CC--e.g. much higher subscription rates and,  I suspect,  lower ad rates.)

light'n up some and enjoy the ride...

But I only need to mow my lawn about once a week and I'd look silly just riding around on my tractor . . . .

Those hotties might be out of place, but at least they aren't getting in the way of the cars like in lowrider and import mags, though in their case, MORE ladies in front of the cars can only help.  CC's gonna show these shirts in their merch section any way, so why not on a girlie as opposed to a static shot of the same item.  

As for Junkyard Steve, he's my new hero.  It takes guts to admit to owning a stock Pinto as well as a first gen Valiant.  And his brand of humor is one of the main reasons I got hooked on the 'Craft in the first place:tounge-in-cheek humor.  Now if only we could get more stuff from that Huffman guy.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go study the Super Bee logo on page 98.

Granted, "Parts with Appeal" . . . oops . . . I mean "Off the Rack" is better than the sleazy lowrider and tuner "spreads."  But if CC's got to run a monthly fashion show, why not feature real life chicks who are actually into cars (not unbelievable pro models who are actually into self-promotion), shot in actual gearhead settings (not sterile studio shots)?  That would be more "real."

At least Freiburger hasn't turned CC into a cheap FHM/Maxim knockoff with siliconed bikini bimbos wearing stripper-style clear platform, 4" spike mules and wallowing all over some ISCA circus wagon of a show car.

Magnante does some cool stuff.  I did think that when the July '05 issue was so light on real tech, Steve's improbable musings weren't really very related to Car Crafting or "junkyard crawling" (other than that he neglects his lawn to prowl junkyards and go racing).  It was mildly entertaining but just begged for someone to lampoon his odd behavior with "goat" quips.

I just hope "The Intervention" Part II isn't Steve's neighbors deciding he's ignored PERSONAL HYGIENE for too long as he prowls junkyards and goes racing!

IT WAS SHEEP DAMN IT not Goats ...Hmmm I can tell the difference maybe because I am single too and born in Wyoming....