"Don't Get Mad, Get Doug Glad" seems to think that the many-speckled Firebird project car doesn't have a name.

But didn't the infamous "Chevysxz" tag it "Project Birdturd" several months ago?   If I recall it correctly, he argued that it was the "poopie hooptie" based on its chalky, pealing  bird-poop-shaded paint and its affinity for lounging on the rack or on the back of a roll-back wrecker.

Come on, GLAD-MAN, get with the program!

So true. That's why Rad Glad and Co. will NEVER acknowledge it.

Actually we need a CARB-legal GM v. Ford shootout.  Birdturd v. an equally decrepit 5.0 Mustang.  Then let the winner NAME the loser . . . .

The GM folks will never agree to calling it Project Birdturd.  But then they haven't come up with anything better, have they?

Maybe Chip Foose will "steal" it for an episode of "Overhaulin'" so that some progress occurs . . . .

Love the shootout idea.  But it's been done.  I still remember the seven-cylinder 305 Camaro losing in a haze of burning oil to a carb'd 5.0 at OCIR about 20 years ago -- A great day in the development of the 5.0 Mustang legend. 

I see in the December '05 issue that "Rad Glad & *** still deny the overwhelming consensus that the "poopie hooptie's" sobriquet* is PROJECT BIRDTURD!

Do these jet-setting CC editors even read this forum anymore?

*[Nurse (to Turboted): "Now TED, why can't you just use a regular guy word here, like 'nickname?'"

Ted: "Stop reading over my shoulder!  Who made you the editor, anyway?   Hey, those scrubs would look a lot better if you tied them 'halter-style' like the chicks in "Off the Rack!"

Nurse:  "Ted, am I going to have to restrain you again?"] 

GIVE IT A REST! 

They are NEVER going to print the words "Project Birdturd" in CC!  Try to come up with a positive name for the Firebird build-up (even if it doesn't have a genuine Pontiac engine in it).

Problem is that Matt King used the Bird Turd moniker on his junk that ran 14.50 on nitrous. It was a red third gen. So Turd is neither original nor good. I do however have a lot of e-mail names for the thing. I'll post them all when I wake up the Web editor.

douglas

Thanks and get him or her to update the polls on the main page as well.  

*UPDATE*

I guess "RAD GLAD" told you, Turbo Breath!

Frankly I've found most of what "chevysxz" suggests to be derivative  and "unoriginal."

TurboTed, given your need to satire everything (notably Hot Rod's Drag Week, Rad Glad's own "Fads 2005," and  "Off the Rack"), surely you can come up with something ORIGINAL that will make it onto the GLAD-O-METER of potential names for CC third gen 'Bird.

YOU DEIGN TO CHALLENGE TURBOTED! 

On guard, you lover of extinct Indian engines!

Here's what I could come up with in about 30 seconds . . .  (CC MAG, take notes, this is going to be ORIGINAL and GOOD)

1. SCHINELLA'S MISS-- a play off of the name of the GM designer John Schinella and "Schindler's List."   This name lampoons the pitiful space utilization, odd proportions, poor build quality and lack of resale value inherent in F-bodies of that generation.  (Sure it's too "inside baseball" for most readers, but it's MUY ORIGINAL AND HELLA GOOD!)


2. PROJECT  I/Minator-- This nickname acknowledges the fact that CC's hands are mostly tied by the I/M smog police in Cali. It also kind of plays off the "Governator" fad. 


3. SLO-WHITE-- It's slow and its mostly white.


4. MOLT-N-'BOLT--this handle points out two of the Project's salient features--It's peeling paint job (sort of like when a real bird molts its feathers) and its (yawn) SBC engine (the venerable "Stovebolt").


5. CURD-BIRD--for some reason the "pooptie hooptie" makes me think of cottage cheese (I admit that this is simply a lazy derivative of "birdturd")


6. POOPED PELICAN--Not to "dis" the state bird of Katrina-ravaged Louisiana, but CC's bird does seem a bit "tuckered out" ("too pooped to fly")  and is about as fast as a pelican.


7. PROJECT FLAME-OUT-- a "flame out" is when a jet engine stalls.  It's also when the "fire" burns out in my bar-b-que.  Given the amount of time CC's hooptie spends communing with the Auto Club and parked in the CC shop, perhaps its "flame" is out (not much "fire" in the old bird).


8. RACK ATTACK-- All those months the 'Bird's spent "lounging" atop the "rack"  in the secret CC shop shouldn't go unpunished . . . .


9. TPIndian-- Of course the NCAA won't approve, but this name plays off the antique TPI fuel injection that CC's working with in this wheezing old chieftan.


10. GANKTANK-- I read in National Geographic or something that "GANK" is slang  for fake drugs or selling fake drugs.  Considering the pedestrian performance levels of this "fastlane" tank of a pony car, GANKTANK seems appropriate.


11. MILDFIRE--Can't you hear that old song . . . "They call it MILDFIRE, They call it MILDFIRE, MI-I-I-I-I-L-D . . . ."

I can always gen up some more, if necessary.

Not to quibble, but wasn't THE KING'S Poncho loco tagged "Fireturd?"

Or has CC done THREE of these sleep-inducing F-body build-ups?

And how about these "theme" names for the grounded ghost:

• YELLOW THEMES: Assuming CC has a few gallons left of the enviro-friendly yellow hue sprayed on the infamous (and AWOL) DISCO BANANA, then Freiburger's Fiasco could be tagged the HAIRY CANARY (with apologies to Joe Schubeck and the awesome Hairy Hurst Olds). Then CC could change the huge new masthead from red to yellow so that the two company cars would support CC's emerging theme of "Affordable Comic Relief" (besides, yellow just screams for attention on the newsstand). Another amber-themed idea for an oh-so-slow fruitwagon would be MELLO YELLO (maybe some sponsorship opportunities with this one)


• GOING TO DRAG CITY: A couple of drag racing themed names fitting for this project are OLD UNRELIABLE (with apologies to Dave Strickler) and TAMED TIGER (with apologies to Arnie "The Farmer" Beswick).


• ABSENCE OF COLOR: My illegal alien coworkers tell me that "blanco" is espanol for "white" (and you thought it just the name of an incompetent Southern governor).  Here are a few names in the blanco theme: BLANCO NO GO, BLANCO SO SLOW, BLANCO CONKO . . . .


• THE ROAD: Here are some "road" themed names: ROADSIDE ROCKET (this would work better on an Olds-powered Pontiac), SHOULDER HOLDER, SCHOOL-ZONE BANDIT (assuming it's competitive against kids on bikes and skateboards), BOULEVARD BEATER, DRIVEWAY DISASTER.


• NAUTICAL:  CAPT. HOOK (Ahoy AAA!  Request a tow into port), SLOW-BOAT-TO-BANKRUPTCY, ICEBURG!, TITANIC II

(See what happens when you eat a triple helping of refried beans for lunch, Amigos!)

Dude, you need some GAS-X!

(Okay, some of it was amusing.  Not sure if Glad and his sleepy webmaster will agree, though)

GAS-X?  I will not descend to scatological humor for (burp) a cheap laugh.

[Nurse to TurboTed] "That's kind of sanctimonious and hypocritical in a thread with TURD in the title!"

[TED] "Stop reading over my shoulder!  

"Hey, what's that big bag full of ice water connected to that long hose for . . . ."

ROTFL!

I guess you told PontiacQuack.

Maybe some of your suggestions will make the CC webmaster's list of names for the "poopie hooptie."

I slipped and fell in the shower . . .

When I came to, I saw this thing that looked like a "flux capacitor"  hovering over CC's "poopie hooptie" Firebird.  And CC's "Slacker-Bird" was lettered with the words . . .

Desperate MOUSE-Hive

. . . or was it "Desperate Housewives" . . . I can't remember . . . Man, my head hurts!